Saturday, December 18, 2010

There's Never Any Time... Not!!!

The other day I was showing my husband a photo in the January issue of Runner’s World magazine of the view from the Big Sur Marathon. I was wishing I could run that marathon next year. His response, “Who has time for that?” really bothered me. What has time to do with it? It’s not about time.

I know it’s easy to bemoan the lack of time as reason enough to give up on things. I’ve tossed out that excuse far too often. I performed a quick tally of all the wasted time in my day- the ten minutes on Facebook which morphs into 45 minutes or an hour; the fifteen minutes at Starbucks for the caramel latte which I need like I need another hole in my head; searching for one small piece of information online which can wind up eating an hour or more; a trip to the mall for a pair of socks, one hour or three, if I have my children with me.

You get my drift.

If I were to pick through my day with a fine-toothed comb I’d be able to find more than a dozen of these time-wasters in a day. The first hurdle to discovering time is learning to focus on the things that you want to do. For me right now, it’s finishing my novel and running a marathon next year. (This is just the short list of long-term goals.) If I put these two things first and let all these little time-wasters fall to the way-side. I will discover new-found time.

Great advice but the hard part is putting this advice into practice.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Keeping Secrets

Sometimes keeping secrets are a good thing. Like when your over-sensitive spouse buys you gifts of clothing you would never be caught dead in but you smile, thank him and bury said object in the back of your closet waiting until the appropriate amount of time has passed and said hideous article makes it way to the nearest clothing donation drop box. You trust someone somewhere has a rich appreciation for rhinestones. Or like when you decide on the arduous transformation of your life.

Now why, you might ask, would this be something you would want to keep a secret? In our society, transformation is a good thing; it keeps the self-help industry making billions of dollars. We love those before and after moments: “I weighed 600lbs and lived in a box before I followed (x) now I live in Beverly Hills and spend all my time counting my money and gazing at my toned abs and thighs.” But see, society isn’t the problem for me. I could walk up to a complete stranger confess my desire to finish my novel, lose weight and run another marathon and that person will, 95% of the time, pat me on the back and wish me well. Maybe they’ll even mention the crazy woman they met in the supermarket and her crazy hair-brained dream. Strangers are not the problem. It’s my family.

Now don’t get me wrong,I love my family and in terms of dysfunction we tend towards the low end of the spectrum but the moment me, as wife, mother, and custodian of the family, announces my intention to do anything these people turn on me. Not at first. At first, they smile. They say things like “Cool” and “Great” but sometime after my announcement, they pounce. Sometimes they work collectively but other times it’s an individual effort to throw every imaginable obstacle my way. It’s like that moment in the movie Poltergeist when the mother is racing down the hallway trying to get to the bedroom of her screaming children and the hall keeps getting longer and longer. This is my life except the hallway keeps stretching.

I’ve tried expressing how important it is for me to be able to follow my dreams and not die a bitter dejected woman who will haunt them with my resentment; how all I need just an hour or two here or there but it’s all in vain. I’ve taken to calling this period of my Life Interruptus. If there is only an hour of non-frost bite free weather for me to get a run in, someone will work to seize this time. Once my creative juices are flowing and they hear my fingers flying across the keyboard, they hurl incendiary devices severing all connections from my brain to my fingers.

So how do you fight an enemy this insidious? To paraphrase Schultz in Hogan’s Heroes, “Tell them nothing.”

I’ve tried it out and it works. Instead of making announcements, “I plan on getting a run in while the sun is still out.” I just put on my running clothes and say I’ll be back in 45 minutes. I’ll say I’m going to the supermarket without mentioning that I’m stopping at the gym first. I’ll say I’m off to clean the toilets and no one notices the laptop under my arm. It’s brilliant and so far they haven’t seen through it. For now, mums the word.

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Beginning Again

The hot breath of the New Year is upon me and I find myself in a pensive mood. I’m looking back over the year and shaking my head; I don’t like what I see. As usual there were plethora of great ideas. If even half these ideas made it from my head into some form of reality I’d be Time Magazine’s Person of the Year. Okay, maybe that’s a slight exaggeration but I definitely think I could have made someone’s Top Ten list.

I am battling inertia and the fighting has been brutal. All the casualties have been on my side. I’ve lost my energy, my initiative, my discipline and my drive. I’ve become what I loathe- a complainer, a self-pitying whiner, and a giver-upper. Ouch! That hurts. So what do I do?

Do I raise the flag and negotiate a settlement where the terms are not too onerous? Maybe I’ll admit there was never any talent to begin with and settle into my couch for the finale of Dancing with the Stars. Maybe I’ll find a group of the equally disillusioned where we sit around making snarky comments about those who haven’t settled themselves on the sidelines. Perhaps I’ll focus on immediate gratification and dull my ache at the local mall.(Kohl’s bucks, anyone?)

Naw, I think there’s still some fight left. The reserves seem pretty promising. At least these guys have some idea of where the front-lines are. This time I’ll ambush them. No more waiting for the fateful countdown announcing a new cycle. Hah! I’ll start right now. I’ll get back my energy, my initiative, my discipline, my drive and (because I’m such a badass) I’ll throw in my boldness and my stubbornness. Who knows, I just might just come into the New Year kicking ass.