Thursday, September 27, 2012

Relaxing the Stressed-Out Brain

I never thought I could it. I tried it dozens of times to no avail. I would find myself in a quiet house, cross-legged at an un-godly time before dawn. I'd breathe in and out attempting to shut off my brain and the more I attempted to shut it down the louder the thoughts would intrude. I suddenly felt as though my brain was covered in adhesive and a wind storm had kicked up, every possible thought would stick as I flailed helplessly trying to swat them all away.

Meditation became a lesson in frustration, so I simply gave it up as a task beyond my feeble abilities.

Then one evening, I took my son to a soccer tryout on a chilly evening. I stayed in the warm car, crossed my legs, and began to slowly breathe in and out. Before I knew it I lapsed into a state of consciousness, I can only describe as hyper-awareness. Coming out of this state, I was relaxed and free of the stress and fear breathing down my neck for years.

After that evening, I found a meditation app for my iPad and I meditate at least twice a day. Instead of the blankness I had desired in my early attempts, now I seek to simply be. As thoughts enter my head, I allow them to pass through, accepting and releasing. The thoughts change but the breathing is constant, anchoring me to the present in a way I never took the time to appreciate.

Before meditation stress would hold me in a death grip and I sacrificed my peace of mind to it. Time poured out in a flood overwhelming me and I drowned in the endless turmoil. With meditation, my days are fluid and stretch out before me. I am productive. I am relaxed. I breathe in and out and I am here and now.

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